“I wish I could spend my days, lost in the pursuit of paint, all in the name of a greater journey-THAT greater journey.” Me-November 18th 2009
(Top) “Legend” (2009)-oil on canvas | 30″ x 40″
A decade closing then. Time to take personal stock. Tally the gains
against the losses. Measure the clock, along with the lines on your
face, and the marks on the canvas.
I’ve been doing my own introspection of the whole retrospection
lately, diving through decades old blog posts, and for all the highs,
lows, occasional navel gazing, pretentious waffle and daubed missteps,
the one constant ally has been the work. The eradicable drive to
continue on the painted quest against
sometimes insurmountable odds. At times it’s felt hopeless, like total
folly, at others a sanctuary of illumination, but always a restless,
fathomless pursuit for meaning in this mad, bad thing called life.
I imagine all this means that for myself, the muse and the rest of
you still willing to enjoy what I do, we are stuck with one another
until we all fall down, or are blown to smithereens. Nevertheless, my gratitude is as boundless as the event horizon, for those who’ve stuck with and supported me this far.
Here then, is a piece from each year-souvenirs that mark my greater journey.
If I’m honest. I never thought I’d make it to my half century. I imagined the long shadow cast by the reaper over much of my life, would have caught up with me by now.
Twenty years ago, I might have invited it to.
Ah, the nihilism and self-destruction of callow youth eh?
Still, I made it regardless, far happier, blessed and fortunate than any other dauber from the back jiggers of Liverpool might have reason to hope for.
Hindsight has also provided me the knowledge that as much as times change, some things remain the same. For myself, it’s been that unrelenting need to make art.
Which is why I thought it might be quite nice to put together a little video retrospective of work from the 70’s to present day. Also notable I suppose, is that for the very first time (and possibly the last) it includes a little musical accompaniment composed and performed by myself throughout.
Looking back over the body of my work these last few weeks, it’s been interesting to note that regardless of any evolution in style or technique, there’s been a common thread through my work that has remained constant: those same niggling questions of mortality, and it could be a coping mechanism for the ‘comprehensible darkness’ as Jung called it, or simply because I am ‘still a kid at heart’ as my wife-Lani says, but I can’t deny the almost neurotic obsession that has been there from childhood scrawl to sprawling canvas.
I imagine it will be that way until the darkness swallows me.
